


Subpar Halloween Costumes and the Art of Sounding Like an Old Jewish Lady

by Wonderlandleighleigh



Category: Excalibur (Comic)
Genre: AU, F/M, Kidfic, Kitty's Yiddish accent is SO sexy dammit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-06
Updated: 2019-06-06
Packaged: 2020-04-11 17:48:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 784
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19114663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wonderlandleighleigh/pseuds/Wonderlandleighleigh
Summary: Pete, Kitty and their daughter Sadie get ready for Halloween (Tumblr prompt fill).





	Subpar Halloween Costumes and the Art of Sounding Like an Old Jewish Lady

He rushes down the stairs in the morning, buttoning up his waistcoat and stops, pretending to be startled. “Gahhh!” he shouts. “A witch!” 

Kitty turns from the kitchen sink, adjusting the witch hat sitting atop her head, and putting on a thick accent. “I’m not a witch, I’m your wife!” she cries. 

Pete shakes his head and walks up to her. “You know, your old Jewish woman Yiddish accent just gets sexier every time.” 

“Damn right it does,” Kitty grins, pecking his lips. “What are you dressed like that for? We’re going to the mansion. It’s Halloween.” 

“Goin’ into the office before we go.” 

“What? No,” Kitty protests. “If you go into the office you’ll get sucked into whatever weird, crazy thing is happening, and you’ll miss the trick-or-treating and the party.” 

“I won’t.” 

“You will.” 

“Pryde-” 

She lifts an eyebrow. “Did you even plan a Halloween costume?” 

He blinks. “I was supposed to do that.” 

“Yep. You were. I have the witch thing, Sadie has the princess dress, you were supposed to pick a thing.” 

“Right. Halloween costume,” Pete grimaces. “I dunno. I’ll…I’ll get a blond wig and…and be John Constantine.” 

“I’m sorry, you wanna Constantine on Halloween?” 

“We did it once!” he cries. “He put shoe polish in his hair and I wore a wig and we went as each other for Halloween.” 

“How’d that work out for you?”

“Demon baby tried to eat my genitals.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Right. Bad idea.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

“Okay. Get me a pair of red shades, I’ll be Cyclops.” 

Kitty tries hard not to laugh. 

Pete points to nothing in particular. “You…go…go to the Danger Room,” he says awkwardly. “And…and you…stop flirting with me, I’ve got a very testy red-headed wife who turns evil sometimes but mostly is just tired of everyone’s shite.” 

Kitty laughs hard, slumping against him. “Pick a real costume.” 

Pete sighs and looks around the kitchen, finding Kitty’s sticker labels she uses for storage and a sharpie, he writes on one and sticks it to his chest. 

_“Hello, my name is GOD”_ it says.

“Pete!” 

“It’s good!” 

“Why did I make you watch all those Buffy episodes?” Kitty marvels. 

Sadie dashes down the stairs then, dressed in her princess dress, with a bow and arrow strapped to her back. “I’m ready!” she cries. 

Pete turns and catches the five-year-old as she runs into the room. “Right! Who are you supposed to be then?” 

“I’m Snow White,” Sadie announces, smiling widely. 

“Why do you have a bow and arrow?” he asks.

“The Huntsman gave it to me so I could fight the wicked witch,” Sadie tells him. “And the dwarfs. I don’t want to do their housework.” 

“That’s very enterprising,” Pete tells her, kissing her cheek. “Okay. I’m goin into the office for-” 

“No,” Kitty snaps. “You go into the office and you’re not gonna make it to New York, and then the X-Men will start calling you unreliable and a terrible parent.” 

Pete frowns deeply. “Why do I care again what they think?” 

“You don’t,” Kitty reminds him. “But I don’t want to have to listen to it.” 

Pete blows out a breath. “Oh, a’right. Fine. I’ll check my email from the bloody Xavier School and if   
London blows up, Braddock can handle it.” 

“Thank you.” 

“Dad, I can’t wait to go trick-or-treating with Uncle Fuzzy,” Sadie says. “He takes me to the best houses and we get the best candy cuz everyone thinks he’s in costume.” 

Pete grins. “Well, your uncle Kurt’s gotta be good for something.” 

“Pete.” 

“Right. That was a joke. Your Uncle Fuzzy is good for lots of things, and I’m behaving now.” 

“Good, because Illyana will be here soon, and if you don’t behave, she’ll just leave you in Limbo,” Kitty points out. 

“And the X-Men would call me unreliable and a terrible parent,” Pete nods. “Got it.” 

“Dad, how come the X-Men don’t like you?” Sadie asks, tiling her head in confusion. 

“Because once upon a time, your mum was supposed to marry a very large piece of scrap metal, and when she didn’t, some of them got very confused and very annoyed, and they never ever got over it, and they take it out on me.” 

Kitty shakes her head. “Your dad is also not always so nice to everyone, Sadie.” She kisses Sadie’s cheek. “Did you brush your teeth?” 

“Yes!” Sadie cries. 

“Yes?” Kitty repeats. 

Sadie thinks. “No.” 

Pete smirks and sets her down. “Go brush ‘em.” 

As Sadie scrambles back up the stares, Kitty sighs and wraps her arms around Pete. 

“Our lives are weird.” 

“S’what you get when you get married to God.” 

“You’re so dumb.” 

Pete grins. “Yeah.”


End file.
